A Look inside
It's been a while since my last entry... its been a while since I looked inside. Exploring the known and discovering the unknown. Trying to find a cause and trying to make that effect. Stuck in hotel room again too cold to go out too warm inside to even trying to find a greater warmth. Stuck inside trying to find a way out by going more deeper inside. Realizing that we are cogs in a gigantic clock we cannot see the time. We could guess from the inside and find true meaning in this life. What happens when it all comes down can you buy your way out. What happens when it all comes down will you fly down south. This time its real the time is ticking this all feels surreal. In so much accomplishment there is cliff we are heading to... and the more we keep pushing the farther our fall is. What happens when it all comes down can you buy your way out... is this the end or the beginning. Cali is a place of dreams things aren't what they seem out there. Sure we are ahead of time we are also the first to go... we don't depend on the earth we depend on money... WTF???

She glistens rolling beneath me
like a blanket being whipped
Not afraid of her lash
but excited to see her face
I live in the moment
we finally meet
and am transported into and incomparable bliss

From the moment I saw you I knew you were mine
from the moment I felt you I knew I was yours
you make me fly I know how to soar
You come at me with a swift roll
fluffy at the top and clean at the soul

Song #1
I might as well be writing something with no remorse or judgment. My words just gotta flow out on the page, like a sound wave... Everlasting until broken. I have always had this problem of getting out my true feeling when it comes to writing a song. Sometimes I just wanted it to be perfect...

Do not love me because I'm dangerous... get lost in my world and you'll stay... You will grow with me but my own way... You might like it and you might not... I might leave you for something else and break your heart... Once you set me free you wont have the key to lock me up... Afraid of the chains the length of them drives me insane... Because of you, you taught me what I don't want... Because of you I learned to fly.. I am a dangerous drug... you can't get enough

This was my first attempt at writing lyrics. It's everything that I wanted to say to my ex girlfriends. Although I'm alone I don't know myself enough to handle 2 people.. I need someone strong

I could write anything I want and not be judged.. the only person that judges me is myself... so why do I hold myself back... not wanting to reap the fruits of life... depending on my skills for the fruit of life... I am going to be ok... i am going to be ok... when it's all over, it doesn't end... we live forever and we are the ones we depend. Getting the upper hand in the game... succeed in any challenge... get though the troubles and we manage... This is something I can't handle... flow through life on the same channel.... Theres going to be a big party and I hope Im invited this time.. being apart of something big

Security came to my room... Ha!!! told me to quiet down..Peace

THanksgiving for Granted...
Lets start off the day with an idea of thankfulness... Life is a blessing that we truly have to be thankful for. The idea or thought of being thankful is not enough. We have to put our blessings into action and share them with loved ones, not to flaunt but to enhance everyone's life around us. Material things are not the right things to be thankful for because these things come and go, they either break or get replaced. Family is a thing that does not break or get replaced. So cherish every moment that you share with the ones you love and the ones who love you. -AP

Thanksgiving 2009
I never thought that in anytime of my life I'd be spending Thanksgiving alone. It kinda sucks, but at the same time it's something that I've never encountered in my whole 27 years. I am still very thankful that I have made it in this situation I'm in for being alive and fortunate. It's really been a while since I've poured my thought on a bland canvas, and looking at my self from the outside. Is this really me? The one writing or the one reading what I'm writing. I am still on my quest for being the best being I could be inside and outside. I have been falling off lately though and haven't been expressing myself in any way. Yesterday I started working out for the first time in weeks and it feels good. Once again I'm going to be where I was at a month ago. The thing that I noticed about myself is that I have no thoughts to myself anymore. My perception of life feels shady and unclear. Where have I gone... my mind lost in it's own thought.

Learning is the key. I wonder how Cris and Fely are... How my pops n Casey.... Just take a deep breath and inhale everything in... God, Love, Family, Life... Become a part of the web... weaving in together. Im just sitting here thinking about me and life and where I fit in.. Can I every write a lyric... Can I ever become interesting... Can I live a life that I will be proud of in the future.. Will I every write a lyric, Will I every become Interesting, Will I live a life that I will be proud of in the future?? I am writing a lyric, I am becoming interesting, I am proud of the life I am living. Breathe... Just Breathe... I have a song inside and it has to come out or else it gets lost... everything that I think about. What happ[ends to the thougts that get stuck inside what happens to actions that are never acted out and what happens to every genius thought in your head that is afraid to come out and take a chance. Sometimes I find myself overcalculating and afraid to take any action because I assume things are just going to happen.

This is my Thanksgiving so far. Things are starting to feel alittle sad inside but it is what it is... Just gotta be strong and I will see the people I love once again.


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